For 70 million real Americans, Donald Trump is the new ‘Lost Cause’

Donald Trump on the debate stage in 2020. Following the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol riot, Democrats are weighing whether a second impeachment could bar him from seeking public office again. Source: Screengrab

Can I get a Rebel Yell? No matter what the libtards say, Marse Donald is president of these United States, and he ain’t going nowhere.

Until Jan. 20th, that is, but only because he wants to — not because the Fake News, the Deep State, and the Coastal Elites say he has to.

We all know Trump really won in a “landslide,” just like we know the Boys in Grey really won at Gettysburg but the biased Union media lied about it.

Secret Trump lawyer Sidney Powell has information (which she can’t yet reveal) on how the company that made the voting machines, sinisterly named “Dominion,” was set up to flip Trump votes to Biden as part of a sinister plan hatched by “the Venezuelan government led by Hugo Chávez, which is openly hostile to the United States.”

The failing New York Times wants you to believe that Hugo Chávez is, in fact, dead, but who cares? He’s a communist and that’s all that matters.

In any case, 70 million real Americans are certain that Joe Biden and his rioting mob of Antifa-coddling, BLM-admiring, police-defunding, panda-hugger redistributionist freaks stole the election with help from Cuba, Germany, and George Soros.

It’s like back in ’65 (1865, of course), when Bobby Lee surrendered to that drunk Yankee Grant at Appomattox. No sane person denies that if the Confederates had just kept fighting for a couple more months they could have won the war.

But no worries: What the Lamestream Media calls “losing” can be better than so-called “winning.”

Who’s sexier, Abraham Lincoln or Rhett Butler?

Which song would you rather dance to, Julia Ward Howe’s “Battle Hymn of the Republic” or Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama”?

The Culture War ain’t over!

For those of us who cling to the dream of “a civilization gone with the wind,” a land of “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays,” a place where Santa and the Easter Bunny are proud of their Northern European heritage, where “the quarterback dates the homecoming queen, the truck’s a Ford and the tractor’s green and ‘Amazing Grace’ is what we sing,” Donald Trump will be our Jeff Davis, our Stonewall Jackson, our Nathan Bedford Forrest.

Trumpism will be our glorious Lost Cause.

President Trump understands the importance of heritage, which is why he’s been defending our monuments. If you tear down a statue of Robert E. Lee, that’s 10 years in jail for you, you dirty hippie.

He’s fighting the Pentagon leftists criminally trying to rename U.S. military bases, including Fort Bragg, Fort Benning, and Fort Hood — merely because Generals Bragg, Benning, and Hood happened to take up arms against the United States.

He’s even promised to veto the defense funding if the Senate doesn’t show proper respect for these brave (white) men of the South.

Trump strongly, bigly, defends our cherished symbols — hoop skirts, automatic rifles, burning crosses, and especially the Confederate battle standard. As he so cogently remarked back in July, when people flap their flags “they’re not talking about racism. They love their flag. It represents the South. They like the South. People right now like the South.”

That’s right, sir: We right now like the South.

The South’s the home of the Trump voter, the home of all good haters of political correctness and wokeness and cancel culture, the home of the new Lost Cause.

Except for Georgia. Something’s gone bad wrong with Georgia.

Soros must have brainwashed those formerly fine folks. Gov. Brian Kemp, a Republican, got away with purging more than 300,000 voters from the Georgia rolls, ensuring his win in 2018, but now he’s upped and certified the presidential election for Biden without getting sued or anything!

Dadburn scalawag.

Plus, Georgia failed to outright re-elect Sen. David Perdue and that super-cute Sen. Kelly Loeffler because the Deep State accuses them of a little bitty bit of insider trading.

Praise the Lord, Florida is a land of patriots. Gov. Ron DeSantis suggested Republican legislatures rise up against oppressive law, custom, and democratic principle by making sure their electors choose Trump no matter how the deluded majority voted.

When Sen. Marco “Cuban Heels” Rubio isn’t tweeting out secret Bible code legal advice to Trump’s election lawyers (latest one on Nov. 25th — Luke 21: 13-16, “Remember, you are not to prepare your defense beforehand, for I myself shall give you a wisdom in speaking that all your adversaries will be powerless to resist or refute”) he’s standing by his man, Donald J. Trump: “Right now, you got half this country that has doubts about the veracity of this election.”

Meanwhile Rep. Matt “The South Will Rise Again!” Gaetz urges Trump to pardon himself — just in case.

Not that the president’s done anything wrong. He’s a model of honor, chivalry, and integrity. It’s just that once the carpetbaggers take over, installing their Hugo Chávez socialist puppet regime in the White House, they’ll try to prosecute decent folks for loving America too much — including Marse Donald.

Good white people may find themselves ordered to treat minorities like they’re real people, regard gays as human, use energy-efficient lightbulbs, low-flow toilets, and compostable packaging.

We may be forced to listen to “experts,” so-called “scientists” and other morally compromised believers in the global climate crisis, evolution, and affordable health care, we may have to put up with better gas mileage, cooperation with other nations, and girls playing college football, but they can never rob white folks of our sense of entitlement.

We Real Americans will face proudly backwards and resist!

Diane Roberts
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee, which probably explains her unhealthy fascination with Florida politics. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books, most recently Dream State, an historical memoir of her Florida family, and Tribal: College Football and the Secret Heart of America. She lives in Tallahassee, except for the times she runs off to Great Britain, desperate for a different government to satirize.