Boys will be boys — get over it

Then-U.S. Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh testifying at a Senate hearing in fall 2018. Wikimedia Commons.

OK, you try to make out with this girl, you keep telling her you want to jump her bones, and you show how much you care by busting into her University of Florida dorm room  (because you’re a Resident Assistant!) and getting in her bed.

Instead of taking it as a compliment, she rats on you to the cops.

Or you’re at a New Jersey Pajama Party and there’s this completely wasted 16 year-old who doesn’t even know her own name, and you film yourself nailing her because you gotta share this action with your home boys.

And what about those times you were chugging enough brewskis to float the entire Yale Law Library down the West River, and you feel the urge to whip out Little Brett and stick him in some girl’s face or her hand or whatever?

It’s college, man, and this is good, clean fun! What’s the worst that can happen?

Oh, yeah: you can become an associate justice of the United States Supreme Court.

Despite the efforts of hysterical, no-fun, feminazis to destroy Bro Culture, which has a long tradition of existence to its members, the Elders of the Tribe–cops, judges, senators, the President of the United States–are punching back. Hard.

The Pajama Party kid? The original judge in the case said that since he was an Eagle Scout, with good grades and obviously headed for a “good college,” surely prosecutors would explain to the girl’s family that pressing charges might ruin the poor lad’s life.

Just like that young man in California who raped an unconscious girl outside a frat house. (I mean, who hasn’t?) The judge rightly worried that prison would have a “severe impact” on his life. The guy was on the Stanford swim team, for God’s sake!

Of course, liberal activist types have attacked all these fine jurists who were only trying to protect America’s traditional way of white privilege, forcing the New Jersey judge to resign and getting rid of the California judge in a recall election.

Meanwhile in Alachua County, the state attorney’s office in Gainesville charged super-friendly RA Ian Mikalski with sexual battery and recommended a $300,000 bond.

Circuit Judge Mark Mosely, however, allowed him to go free with no bail on the excellent grounds that Mikalski is a “high achieving” student and a campus leader.

Why interfere with the life progress of a such a promising senior economics major over, as his lawyer put it, a “misunderstanding among platonic friends fueled by alcohol”?

Why, indeed? If only Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Deborah Ramirez and those other humorless chicks who got so het up about Brett Kavanaugh understood that you don’t try to ruin the life of an upstanding Christian man just because he tried to hold you down and pull off your clothes that time or try to stick Little Brett in your face at a party.

Sometimes a guy just needs to air out his tackle. No reason to take it personally.

Plus, Brett Kavanaugh’s Bro-buds swear it never happened, even if a bunch of women say it did. Who are you going to believe, Yale jocks or some angry babes who majored in sociology?

Now the failing New York Times comes out with some stories with new allegations and claim that the FBI refused to interview several people who could corroborate the times Kavanaugh waggled his willy in front of the ladies and other  boyish hijinks.

Like we’re going to believe those Enemies of the People! The Times “forgot” to say that one of these alleged accusers couldn’t remember the incident, which means that everything Christine Blasey Ford and Deborah Ramirez said is also a lie, and that time Brett Kavanaugh threw a tantrum in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee and vowed revenge on his enemies was just a figment of your hormone-flooded imagination.

Boys will be boys. Get over it.

In any case, Brett Kavanaugh and Little Brett are now sitting pretty on the highest court in the land.

And all these women? Who cares?

Diane Roberts
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee, which probably explains her unhealthy fascination with Florida politics. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books, most recently Dream State, an historical memoir of her Florida family, and Tribal: College Football and the Secret Heart of America. She lives in Tallahassee, except for the times she runs off to Great Britain, desperate for a different government to satirize.


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