Editor’s note: This is satire.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of all the haters.
White people invented everything–Big Macs, sales tax, Spanx, malls, Lite beer, Taylor Swift, the NFL–every single dang thing that makes the US of A the greatest nation in the galaxy.
Now all of a sudden, we’re the bad guys. Ungrateful brown immigrant children demand soap and toothbrushes. Navajos and Cherokees keep bitching about how we stole their land (should’ve had better guns, Chief!), and black people run around demanding reparations for slavery, like just because you were kidnapped, dragged here, forced to pick cotton for 250 years, then had to sit in the back of the bus, and still can’t get a bank loan, well, that’s not my fault.
Do you think it was all fun and games on the Mayflower with everybody constantly blowing chunks over the side of the boat? November in New England as cold as H-E-double-hockeysticks, too. As for those so-called “Native Americans:” they gave the Pilgrims some eels and passenger pigeon meat (not turkey and dressing!), then asked them to go back home.
Of course, real Americans don’t listen to that kind of defeatist crap.
My ancestors scrapped and struggled and sometimes got mud all over themselves to take that 20,000 acres of good bottom land away from the Seminoles.
It’s not like we had it easy.
These days we have to put up with Marxist she-devils like Ayanna Presley, Rashida Tlaib, plus that Alexandria Pizarro-DeSoto or whatever her name is going around saying, “I believe that in a modern, moral and wealthy society, no person in America should be too poor to live.”
What’ll she want next, free health care?
And that Ilhan Omar chick? She criticizes our best friend Israel! And our other best friend Saudi Arabia!
The president is right: she should go home to Africa, even if she has been an
The rest of them need to go back to the architecturally-rich, culture-advancing, cuisine-fusing, education-loving hell holes they came from: Boston, Detroit, New York City.
Those places ain’t America, not the real America of Iowa cow pastures and Indiana cornfields, picket fences and 4th of July parades, dying downtowns and dirty water, meth labs and opioid addiction.
Thank you Jesus Lord for our own Sen. Rick Scott. He righteously defends the president and his little tweets, assuring us, “I know the president, and I don’t believe he is a racist.”
Sen. Scott does not believe climate change is real, either, or that public education is a good thing.
Who are you going to trust, science or a man who pleaded the 5th 75 times and totally got away with it?
Sen. Scott knows it’s not just those four commies, it’s all the Dems. “They’ve become the anti-Semitic party now and so that’s wrong,” he says.
Dang straight! Real Americans love the Semitics and our little buddy Israel. OK, 75 percent of Jews vote for Democrats, but they aren’t real Jews. Not like our new governor’s besties Sheldon Adelson and Bibi Netanyahu.
I’m hoping both Gov. DeSantis and Sen. Scott and maybe the Navy Seals will step up to save Florida’s glorious white history from the socialists.
General Kirby Smith was a hero! He didn’t surrender to the Yankees until nearly two months after Appomattox (nobody told him), then he escaped to Mexico and took ship for Cuba to seek asylum.
The Lake County Historical Society wants the statue of the general. But the Civil-War-was-all-about-slavery crowd say that it’ll just remind people of the Groveland Boys, who got themselves in trouble over a white girl, forcing Sheriff Willis McCall to shoot two of them.
Everywhere you go, our white heritage is under attack. Don’t even get me started on Miami, where decent English-speaking folks are scared to go.
The Cubans are OK–they kind of want to go back to where they came from, and they’re reliable Republican voters. But why do they and all those other Hispanic types have to speak Hispanic day and night, even in the mall?
Them and their cortaditos and their tres leches and their damned tasty sandwiches.
Man, it must have been great when this continent was mostly empty, except for white people. OK, there were a few natives, but they weren’t building factories and stores and things, just living off the land.
And yeah, a handful of Hispanic types in St. Augustine. And Santa Fe. And some Africans in Virginia. And South Carolina. And passenger pigeons and eels.
They talk about “white privilege.” Huh. I don’t see any “white privilege,” do you?
We’re only about 60 percent of the population. We control a paltry 92 percent of the national wealth.
We have the US Senate, the Supreme Court, and the White House (why do you think they called it that?), state houses, most Fortune 500 companies, Wall Street, the media and the universities. But it could all disappear, fade away, pouf!
Then what do we have? Multi-culturalism. And that’s unAmerican.