Why all the fuss about Gov. DeSantis, the Florida Cabinet, and 94 of his besties making a little pilgrimage to the Holy Land? When the Count of Toulouse set off for Jerusalem in 1096, he brought with him a dozen clerics, at least 40 nobles, and a few thousand French soldiers, plus his wife and kid.
So calm down, y’all: it’s not like the governor’s on a crusade or anything.
This is a “trade mission,” in which each side promises the other a bunch of money for things you don’t really need to know about right now.
The Israelis might be able to help with some of what the governor sees as Florida’s biggest problems–problems such as citrus greening, algae, school security, and how to convince adherents to a religion dedicated to social justice, decency and tolerance to forget all that nonsense and vote Republican.
This is also a nice little getaway with some of the people who generously help the governor and Legislature run Florida, by which I mean lobbyists.
Now before you get all how much is this costing the taxpayer, huh? remember that these selfless lobbyists for Florida Power and Light, Florida Realtors, JP Morgan Chase and the Hemp Industries Association are paying their own way.
Shoot, if you can buy an entire government, you can certainly afford a 5-star week in Israel.
Of course, Gov. DeSantis wants to hang with Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu. Talk about a stable genius! Ol’ Bibi’s likely to be indicted for breach of trust, corruption and bribery–granting regulatory favors to a media company in exchange for nicer coverage of him.
His wife Sara Netanyahu has been accused of illegally spending taxpayer money on personal luxuries. She’s also been sued by former employees for treating them like “slaves.”
His son Yair claims “Palestine” can’t exist because there’s no letter “P” in the Arabic alphabet, though unkind persons reminded Netanyau Jr. that there’s no letter “J” in Hebrew, so “Judea” and even “Jew” might not be entirely kosher.
Yet despite this Mount Sinai-sized pile of offensiveness and sleaze, Benjamin Netanyahu is not in jail.
Indeed, he’s still in charge of the country and thus must be such an inspiration to any red-blooded, lawyered-up Republican, especially the one in the White House.
Gov. DeSantis feels we Floridians can learn much from Israel, but only if we stop worrying about such trifling stuff as government in the sunshine. If you want to be picky, yes, Cabinet meetings are supposed to be open to the public. But this Cabinet meeting’s not actually doing anything: it’s “ceremonial.”
Lawyers and First Amendment scolds point out Cabinet meetings can’t really be “ceremonial.” And OK, it’s hard for them to be open to Florida citizens if the citizens have to get on at least two airplanes and fly to the most security-obsessed place on the planet, but hey–let’s not quibble.
Israel loves us. And we love Israel right back–to the tune of about $10.5 million a day.
Anyway, who says American elected officials have to stay in America to do their jobs? Bet the president would just love to convene his cabinet in the Kremlin (such friendly people! All that gold!). Georgia’s lawmakers might like to visit Saudi Arabia and pick up some pointers on how to handle uppity women.
And the minute somebody perfects time machine technology, the state of Alabama can fulfill its long-held dream of holding its legislative session in 1640.
But back to Israel. Sure, Florida wants to attract Israeli tourists to Cinderella’s Castle and Hogwarts and beaches which are only covered in dead fish a few times a year–poor Israelis usually have had to make do with the ancient holy sites of three religions and the Mediterranean.
But what Gov. DeSantis really wants to accomplish with this trip is to show Jewish voters that he is practically one of them, except he’s a Roman Catholic. No sooner than he hit the Tel Aviv Hilton, he assured the world that he understands the Israeli-Palestinian conflict with Kushnerian clarity: it’s the Palestinians’ fault.
For some reason, the Palestinians get mad when Jewish settlers cut down their olive trees and make them move off land they’ve owned for hundreds of years.
The real reason our dear governor wants to be known as “the most pro-Israel governor in America” is simple.
Prophecy says Jesus can’t come back until a red heifer gets born and people start sweating blood and Solomon’s temple gets rebuilt and also some other stuff that’s hard to remember.
Therefore, America has to keep Israel safe for cows, sweat, and building projects.
Just like Florida.